It's Not Nag, It's Just Me

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Living the Dying Days

The funeral service that I attended was for the father of one my colleague who had been fighting with cancer for a while. While I felt sorry and sad for my colleague considering that she is very closed to him but at the same time, I also felt relieved for her. Looking at the stress she gone through in the past few months to cope with work and the demand her father required, that perhaps this would be better for everyone.

You might think that i'm heartless but having the experience with my grandmother, that perhaps there are some sense in it too. Coming from a working class family, my grandmother worked really hard to bring up her children and as her children all finally grew up and had their own families, she was diagnosed with kidney failure. As all her children and grandchildren loved her very much, everyone did their best to keep her alive.

During the first few years, everyone was very caring and will rush to her side at a single phone call. But year after year, with more money gone, her situation worsen, we all started to change. While we still loved her but we also started to find her annoying. While trying to meet the work/study pressure, we were also constantly being reminded by her that she needed us. Coming from her perspective, I don't really blame her while I also don't blame anyone of us for losing that loving feeling. It's just too long.

From her angle, she was a active person. The dialysis had really weakens her and she finally had no choice but to be homebound or specifically chairbound the whole day in the house, while everyone busy with their own life/schedule that at times, it's as if she's invisible, sitting in her chair all alone and no one knew about her existence. at the same time, seeing the close relationship she had built with everyone slowly weakens and faded must have hurt her very very much.

Therefore, is it worth to live through these dying days just to personally experienced what you have built all these years, gone, deteriorated? And as the children, saving this loving mother's life is definitely the morally right thing to do but when this plain simple decision had made our love for her becoming hatre, that we might have asked, is it really the right decision? Had we hurt her more by saving her? Would we have a better/positive memory of her if we had made the opposite decision earlier? Is saving someone from the dying bed is actually wrong?

Remembering my grandmother....

Ngaan Sop

Last year, I had my first experience of a Thai wedding reception and tonight, I had my first Thai modern funeral service. Compared to what we had back in M'sia, at least the Chinese, the Thai service was simple, quick, punctual and relatively quiet.

We had been warned about the punctuality and knowing the service will begin at 7pm, we left the office at 5.30pm, not before I experience a brief situation where I got stuck inside the lift, on 14th floor. But that's another story, or was that a sign? Somemore, on the 14th floor which is a bad number according to the Chinese. But then, being a banana, 13th had always been the unlucky number for me.

We reach the temple, where the service was held, around 6.30pm. We thought there will only be one service but how wrong were we. Being expats, both of us were caught by surprise that this temple actually was holding at least 6-7 funeral services simultaneously. The challenge for us then is to find the right hall.

After some trial and errors, we found the right place and we just followed what others were doing. We observed and then we were politely request to follow the process. Firstly, pay respect to the budhha and then pay respect to the decease. And there's no joysticks involved. The coffin was fully enclosed and place relatively high.

Comparing to what we had in Msia, we will be given joysticks, and will straigth away pay respect to the decease and then we will have the option to take a last look at the decease (as part of paying respect). The coffin will be place in the centre of the hall, and partly opened, so that visitors could paid their last respect. Also, it would be quite noisy. The thing is, we need the noise to liven up the place, to scare away the unwanted spirits all the way past midnight too.

anyway, after paying respect to the deceased, we were ushered to sit and wait for the service to begin, punctually at 7pm by about 4-5 monks. They sat in a special area, and began their chanting while everyone sat with their hands in a praying position. The whole process took about 45 minutes, with a few short breaks in between. No children were seen. Very quite and serious.
After the service, we were given a box with cake and sandwhich and of course the two candies.

Oh...and people are very good at adhering to the dress code. Black and well-dressed too. Unlike Msians, where we do go in Dark blue, dark green, grey, white....

Before we left, we managed to pass the 'envelope' to the deceased's wife. Since it was so early, we ended up at a hotel lounge for a drink and light dinner. Interesting nite.


Saturday, January 19, 2008

'Nuff Said

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Wednesday, January 02, 2008

I'll Stand By You

Who can believed that Malaysia started its 2008 with a sex-scandal of its Health Minister. Men and their dicks...or why must successful men need to have mistress? And as a wife of a politician, she had no choice but to be diplomatic and said..."I'll stand by him". What a joke.

Knowing your husband having a mistress is one thing, knowing that now everybody knew your husband is having an affair is another thing. And having your husband's sexual escapade being on film, is one hell of another thing. I felt really sorry for her as well as the children having to brave such moments.

Well, I'm not going to comment much since I too came from a family who have face marital affair twice...and i can honestly tell you, those period were no fun at all. Definitely shape up your life for good or bad.

Anyway, I dedicate the following song to Mrs. Chua for standing by her man. LOL!

Oh, why you look so sad? Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now Dont be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through cause Ive seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you You dont know what to do
Nothing you confess Could make me love you less
Ill stand by you Ill stand by you Wont let nobody hurt you Ill stand by you
So if youre mad, get mad Dont hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too Well Im a lot like you
When youre standing at the crossroads And dont know which path to choose
Let me come along cause even if youre wrong
Ill stand by you Ill stand by you Wont let nobody hurt you Ill stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour And Ill never desert you
Ill stand by you And when...
When the night falls on you, baby Youre feeling all alone
You wont be on your own
Ill stand by you Ill stand by you Wont let nobody hurt you Ill stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour And Ill never desert you
Ill stand by you Ill stand by you Wont let nobody hurt you Ill stand by you