It's Not Nag, It's Just Me

Friday, July 18, 2008

@30s : Crisis

Crisis. According to, one of the definition of crisis is An emotionally stressful event or traumatic change in a person's life.

I had written two paragraphs weeks ago but it was in my other pc and i'm too lazy to do the transfers, hence, I decided to write a new one.

Have I ever experience crisis? I believed so, perhaps right from the start of my life, that my brother was suffering from some form of congenital heart defects, that if operation is not done, he will not live past his teenage life. I was too young to feel the crisis then. But from what my mom told me, despite being two years younger than my brother, I'm the one that had to walk while my mom carried him. That's not crisis...but the crisis actually happen after my bro finally went for the operation (i believed he was about 6 or 7 years old then) that he evolved from a thin sick looking boy too a fat snobbish boy while I changed from a chubby cute boy to a thin not-cute-anymore boy. Nobody can explain why but it could have been a simple crisis of my life.

Of course, growing up in a working class families, family crisis are bound to happen, whether you like it or not. The extra-marital affairs that had my mom doing silly things (women!), the constant bedroom debate that had me plugging in a headphone listening to the 24hours radio to soften those THX effect so that i could sleep peacefully, the gambling habit of 'him' that had us go major crisis which created the phobia of telephone ringing (took me years to succumb that phobia), the first 'crush' that really had me crushed and suffered from depression for 2 years...and all this before i even reached 25.

Come to think of it, are we as homosapiens, bound to face at least one major crisis in each decade of our existence?

I believed I'm facing another crisis at the moment. At least it's a personal crisis rather than family. And with all the experiences, I still find myself clueless as to how to handle this crisis. Or perhaps with so many responsibilities i'm bearing that it really do not allow me to make any extreme or sudden decision but to make effort to maintain my senses.

I'm quite suprising that I'm taking this crisis calmly although i wish i could scream and disappear from this earth, yet the rational part of me kept slapping me for having those thoughts.

At this stage, I'm quite determined of what my plan will be but it will be a relatively long term plan for now since the world is facing more serious crisis than me, that mine is like nothing as compared to the political situation in both Thailand and Malaysia.

But how critical is a crisis at 30s if compared to a crisis at 20s or 40s...and will there be crisis at 50s? How I wish there is someone that I could comfortably fall back upon during such crisis....



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